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It must be an even numbered year...

My grandma died on April 4. Three and a half weeks after she was told her cancer had metastasized. I have so many feels about it. I wish she was still here. But I'm glad she isn't suffering anymore. Looking after her at the end of her life was the hardest thing i have ever done. But it was such an honour to be there as she took her last breaths. I promised Grandma that she wouldn't be alone. And she wasn't. I held her hand, stroked her hair, and told her how much I loved her.

Welcome to Chez Kat's Cuisine in Barbados

So I have a YouTube channel now. I know...I am really embracing this experience. :D

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMC1qNvGHvT3hz6Tlc-ZtEA

My Barbados Adventure Blog

I'd like to share my Barbados blog here, because I don't have the time or the energy to post it in 2 places. So feel free to follow along as I spend 161 days in Paradise

Aug. 12th, 2014

I have never been so affected by a celebrity death as I am by the passing of Robin Williams. Every FB post, tweet, news article, or picture causes waterfalls of tears.

I think this hits me so hard because I have struggled with depression for over 10 years. I know what a lying, awful bitch it can be. And I have considered ending it all.

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My parents

As I sit here, again planning a move to Barbados, I start thinking of my mom. And by extension of that, my dad. And I realize that I haven't been to their grave site in over 3 years.

I'm off from work tomorrow. Oh wait...today. I'm meeting a gf at 8am for a walk. After that, I'm going to pick up a bouquet of flowers, hop on the bus and go visit my parents. I've also decided that before I move to Barbados, I will have Mom's name engraved on the headstone. If my sisters want to help me pay for it, great. If not, it's my last gift to my Mom.

ETA: It's now 3:10am...and I've been awake and crying since I first made this post. Because moving to Barbados means that I'm leaving my parents behind. Moving out of this apartment means I'm leaving the place where my mom could hide away for a few days and have solace.

I know it all sounds so silly. But as much as I want (need) to live in Barbados, I'm having a really hard time letting go of everything here.

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Jul. 13th, 2014

I don't have children, but reading about children with cancer just breaks my heart.

I went to high school with Jenny Doull. Her little girl, Phoebe Rose, has been fighting cancer since October 2010, when she was 9 weeks old. After several treatments and relapsing for the 3rd time, Phoebe's family is now off to Denver, CO for an experimental treatment. While OHIP (Ontario's health care system) has offered to cover the treatment, I'm sure there are many other expenses that Jenny and her husband need to cover.

So, in the hopes of raising some much needed funds, I am sharing Jenny's blog here - Phoebe Rose Rocks. There is a "Donate" button at the top right if anyone feels so inclined to help.

Please.

Oh happy day!

I just booked airfare for my friend Helene and I to head back to Barbados in May. I hadn't planned on getting down there this year, but last night I figured out my income tax and discovered that I was getting a large enough return to more than afford a 1-week trip to my favourite place on earth.

So, in 92 days, Helene and I will be sitting here:

IMG_3181

Books read in 2014

I'm going to again keep track of the books I read this year. Thanks to my new ereader, I have already finished 6 library books. :D

1. Ape House by Sara Gruen - finished Jan. 2
2. The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity by William Paul Young - finished Jan. 6
3. Under the Dragon's Tail by Maureen Jennings - finished Jan. 16
4. The Whisper of Legends by Barbara Fradkin - finished Jan. 19
5. Confessions: The Private School Murders by James Patterson - finished Jan. 20
6. Non-Fiction: Nine Lives: A Chef's Journey from Chaos to Control by Brandon Baltzley - finished Jan. 24
7. Except the Dying by Maureen Jennings - finished Jan. 27
8. Before the Poison by Peter Robinson - finished Jan. 27
9. The Fall Guy by Barbara Fradkin - finished Jan. 28

**I should mention that I've been home sick for the past 3 days.

10. Undercurrents by Pamela Beasson - finished Jan. 30
11. The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes - finished Feb. 6
12. Sawbones by Stuart MacBride - finished Feb. 7

Bring on 2014

I am in a great place, mentally and emotionally. I am working in a job that I love. I'm not in pain and I'm not freaking out about possibly breaking my leg again. So, 2014 is the year that I start running again. I plan on running 3 official races: the Brittania beach 5k, the army run 5k and the resolution run 5k. I miss running. I need it back in my life.

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I have passed my 3 month probation period at work. Most of my benefits will be kicking in the next few days. Now I just have to make it to 6 months to get my employee discount. :)

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